Mastering Your Emotions
A Cautionary Tale
In the heart of New York City, Alan Reynolds, a charismatic and talented CEO, led Apex Financial to unprecedented heights. His ambition and drive had catapulted the firm into a financial powerhouse. Yet, it was his inability to control his emotions that would ultimately threaten everything he had built.
Alan's explosive temper was an open secret within the company. His passionate commitment to success often crossed the line into angry tirades, leaving employees fearful and demoralized. Despite his brilliance, clients began to take their business elsewhere, fed up with the volatility of their once-reliable leader.
The turning point came during a crucial client meeting, where Alan's anger flared uncontrollably. His outburst offended the client, who promptly terminated their multi-million-dollar contract. Word spread like wildfire, and Apex Financial's reputation plummeted. Shareholders started selling, causing the stock price to nosedive.
Alan was forced to confront his destructive behavior. He enrolled in anger management therapy and initiated a company-wide culture shift towards emotional intelligence and empathy. Slowly, trust was rebuilt, and talented employees who had left began returning.
Emotional Self-Regulation
Emotional self-regulation is a key aspect of emotional intelligence. Alongside self-awareness, empathy, and social skills, these four pillars empower individuals to harness their emotions effectively. They master the art of making emotions work for them instead of against them.
Studies have found that emotional intelligence can account for up to 85% of leadership effectiveness. Some experts have even suggested that emotional intelligence is more important that IQ in determining leadership potential. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are better able to build and maintain relationships, inspire and motivate others, and resolve conflicts in a productive way.
Emotional self-regulation is the ability to manage one's emotions and impulses. Those who learn the skill of emotional self-regulation recognize when powerful emotions like anger and frustration occur and consciously choose if or how to express them productively.
When I think about the skill of emotional self-regulation I think about my grandmother's pressure cooker. Under high heat, steam builds high pressure, just as the "high heat" of stress, fear or anxiety can create high levels of emotional pressure within us. But a pressure cooker has a mechanism for allowing the steam pressure to be released in just the right amount. In the same way, those with the skill of emotional regulation choose how to release the pressure of emotion in ways that are productive and effective, avoiding the kind of emotional blow ups that damage relationships and cloud judgment.
Developing the Skill of Emotional Self-Regulation
Research shows that all four pillars of emotional intelligence can be learned, but not by reading a book or attending a seminar. Emotional intelligence resides in the limbic system, not the frontal cortex. That means that emotional intelligence increases through practice, much like learning to play a musical instrument.
Here are a few exercises that can help you develop the skill of emotional self-regulation.
Mindfulness Meditation | One of the benefits of mindfulness meditation is that it can help people become more aware of their emotional reactions and better able to identify what triggers their negative emotions. Over time, mindfulness meditation can help people develop more control over their emotions and reactions. To practice mindfulness meditation, begin by simply sitting in a comfortable position, closing your eyes, and focus on your breathing. You can then expand your focus to your body, mind, and surroundings, noticing thoughts and emotions without judgment. Want more help? Try the Headspace app.
Deep Breathing | This technique involves taking slow, deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. By focusing on the breath, you can calm your mind and body, and reduce the stress response in your nervous system. Deep breathing exercises can be practiced in as little as five minutes, and can be done anywhere, anytime.
Cognitive Reappraisal | This involves identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with more balanced, helpful thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm a failure," you could practice thinking, "I made a mistake, and I can learn from it." Or instead of thinking, "I'll never get this right," you could think, "It may take time and effort, but I can do this." Cognitive reappraisal can take practice, but it can be very effective at helping people change their emotional reactions to stressful situations.
Emotional self-regulation is a capability that all leaders should strive to master, as it will help them bring their vision to life and make a difference in the world. Through mindful methods such as meditation, deep breathing, and cognitive reappraisal, leaders can develop effective strategies to recognize and manage their emotions so that they can stay in control of their environment. To become successful leaders with an acute emotional intelligence, perseverance is key. It will take time and effort to build up your awareness of your emotional states; yet through practice, you can recharge yourself with resilience and the capacity to recalibrate when things do go awry.
If you're serious about developing greater emotional regulation skills for yourself or your team, hiring a seasoned executive coach such as myself can give you dedicated guidance throughout the process. Depending on where you are in your leadership journey, I'm eager to help equip you with mindfulness and practical tips so that you may reignite your vitality and grow into the successful leader of tomorrow. Schedule a free consultation at www.mariancoaching.com/scheduling
