Non-Financial Keys to Planning a Successful Retirement

A Cautionary Tale

Several years ago, a pastoral colleague of mine retired after a successful career leading large congregations. When I spoke to him a few months before his final weekend his excitement was palpable. After years of long hours and the emotional toll of walking with people through some of the darkest moments of life, my colleague was looking forward to slowing down and catching his breath.

About a year later I ran into my colleague’s wife and asked how her husband’s retirement was going. She quickly responded, “It started great. We loved having weekends free for the first time in our married life. But now, he’s miserable most of the time. He’s bored and lonely. He started making hospital calls and home visits to his former parishioners, which got him into trouble with the bishop. If things don’t change soon, I’m going to submit an application for him to work as a greeter at Walmart!”

My Own Journey

During the pandemic, I began to sense that it was time for me to retire after 36 years of ordained ministry. I set my sights on mid-July 2023 and set up a countdown app on my phone to hold me accountable. That countdown app started at just over 900 days. As I write this blog the count is down to 20 days.  

As I planned for my retirement, I heard dozens of stories like my colleague’s. So many people focus on getting out of what they’re doing, but they don’t take the time to plan for what they’re moving into. They focus on having a full bank account but don’t plan on how to have a full life. And that mistake can prove fatal. Literally. I didn’t want to be yet another statistic and so I’ve spent the last two-and-a-half years diving into this topic. Let me share with you what I’ve learned.

Honor Your Values

As a life coach, I highly value coaching as an effective protocol for self-exploration. And so, I hired a coach, and she began by having me dig into my values. What values did I want to carry over into this next phase of life, and how would I honor them? Three values surfaced for me: time, teaching and tribe. After 36 years of feeling as if I were on-call 24/7, I wanted more control of my time. I wanted to experience those things called “weekends” (I hear they’re pretty awesome). I also love to teach and knew that I’d miss that aspect of ministry, so I need to find a way to scratch that itch in retirement. And finally, I wanted a “tribe”. By that I mean both a group of people to work with collaboratively, and a group of friends to do life with.

Question for Reflection: What values do you want to carry into retirement, and how will you embody them?

A Word About Your Tribe

Research shows that men especially fail to plan for the loss of their work relationships. Divorce rates are particularly high in the first two years after retirement, in part because our spouse (if we happen to be married) cannot bear the full weight of our social lives. But friendship is tricky in the digital age. I have well over 2000 “friends” on Facebook, and hundreds of connections on LinkedIn, but are those the friendships that would nourish my soul in the years ahead? Again, with the help of coaching, I discerned four parameters for the kind of friends that I wanted in retirement.

First, they don’t care that I’ve been a pastor. Despite the demise of religion in America, people still tend to conflate a pastor’s being with their role. I’ve discovered that few people can transcend the pastor/parishioner dynamic and simply see me as a person. I love Bourbon and sometimes swear like a sailor, and if that’s going to offend you then friendship probably isn’t in our future.

Second, we talk about more than sports and the weather. Enough said.

Third, the conversation can’t be all about you. Certain professionals, such as doctors, counselors and pastors, are trained to listen to and respond to the needs of others. That’s as it should be. But that isn’t what we want in our friendships. There must be equality in our conversations.

Fourth, a friend must initiate getting together as often as I do. If I must bear the weight of keeping a connection alive, I’d just as soon let it die.

Those are my parameters. I can be friendly toward anyone, but friendship is another matter. And I’m happy to say that I’ve got a tribe of great friends with whom I can share life into retirement.

 Question for Reflection: What are your parameters? Who is in your tribe?

What’s Your Purpose?

If you’re fortunate, work provides a sense of purpose, a reason to get up in the morning and invest your time and energy into something meaningful. But where will your sense of purpose come from in retirement? Having a reason for being is central to soulful wellness, and I’ve met a lot of retired people who discovered that neither golf nor fishing was purpose enough to live for.

If you’re nearing retirement age you not only have a lifetime of work experience, but you also have a master’s degree in wisdom and a Ph.D. from the school of hard knocks. How will you invest all that in retirement in a way that brings you joy, provides a sense of purpose, leaves a legacy and makes the world a better place?

For me the answer is coaching. Coaching provides me with a sense of purpose by allowing me to partner with others in clarifying and achieving their goals and dreams. It allows me to control my time and scratches my itch to teach. And collaborating with other coaches feeds my desire for team. Time, Teaching and Tribe. Boom!

Question for Reflection: Where do you want your sense of purpose to come from in retirement?

For more on the topic of discovering purpose in retirement I highly recommend the book From Strength to Strength by Arthur Brooks.

Mental Well-Being

I haven’t started losing my marbles yet (as far as I know) and I’m intent upon staying as mentally sharp as I can be well into retirement. While not exactly a scientific study, I’ve noticed a few habits common to some of the sharpest seniors I’ve had the privilege of knowing over the years.

First, they are committed to life-long learning. I know a woman in her 80’s who just started piano lessons, a 90-year-old who takes college courses online and a couple in their 70’s who are learning Chinese…because, why not? Their appetite for learning is voracious and enviable.

Second, they are avid readers. While some retirees are watching The Price is Right, the sharpest seniors I know devour books like I devour peanut M&Ms. And they love to read across genres.

Third, they engage in stimulating conversation. They relish the opportunity to gather with people who think differently than they do to share viewpoints and opinions because they find that doing so keeps their thinking from becoming rigid or stale. Disagreement doesn’t frighten them; it stimulates them.

I can’t control my genetics, but I’m committed to doing all I can to keep my brain from going to mush, including embracing the habits I’ve witnessed in sharp people 20 years my senior.

Question for Reflection: What are you willing to commit to doing to keep your mind supple, fresh and active?

Physical Well-Being

Last, but certainly not least, how will you steward your body, your physical health, in retirement? I rather like gambling, but leaving my health to chance is a risk I’m not willing to take.

Nearly 20 years ago I read a book entitled Younger Next Year by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. The sub-title captured my attention, “A guide to living like 50 until you’re 80 and beyond.” It was, and still is, the most motivating book I’ve ever read on why exercise matters, which is why I read the book every other year. Now in my 60’s, I feel better than I did in my 40’s and I give all the credit to following the simple advice found in those pages. I want to be able to run and play with my grandchildren (if I ever have any), walk like a young man, pedal my bike up hills without electronic assistance and enjoy sex into old age. Part of my retirement plan is refusing to retire from cardio, weights, stretching, good nutrition and regular check ups.

Question for Reflection: What’s your retirement plan for staying healthy into your 80’s and beyond?

Financial security is a critical factor in retirement planning, but I want so much more than a full bank account. I want a full life, and that requires some careful thought and planning. There’s a lot I’m going to miss about ministry, but I’m excited for what’s ahead.

Are you thinking about retirement? I’d be happy to help you envision your ideal future and chart a course to making it a reality. Schedule an appointment today at www.mariancoaching.com/scheduling