Stop Avoiding Crucial Conversations: A Fire Chief's Guide to Leading with Confidence
Chiefs and Assistant Chiefs, you didn't sign up for this job to become conflict-avoidant. You rose through the ranks because you demonstrated courage, decisiveness, and the ability to lead in high-pressure situations. Yet, many of you tell me that when it comes to having difficult conversations with your personnel, you'd rather face a five-alarm fire.
You're not alone.
I've worked with enough fire service leaders to know that navigating crucial conversations is a common pain point. You'll break down the door of a burning building without hesitation, but you'll pace outside the door of your office when it's time to address a performance issue.
Isn't that interesting? The scenario that poses actual danger is often less intimidating than a conversation that poses no physical risk at all.
Why is that?
The Elephant in the Room: Why We Avoid Tough Talks
Let's face it: difficult conversations are, well, difficult. We avoid them for a number of reasons:
Fear of negative outcomes: We worry about rejection, judgment, conflict, hurt feelings, not being understood, losing control, appearing weak, or not being able to find a resolution.
The illusion of self-correction: We tell ourselves that the problem will just go away if we ignore it. In reality, issues left unaddressed usually deteriorate, negatively impacting morale, productivity, and even safety.
Lack of training and skills: This is a big one. Many fire service leaders have never been formally trained on how to effectively conduct difficult conversations. You've been given the tools and training to fight fires, but not necessarily to handle crucial conversations. When we lack competence, we lack confidence.
The stories we tell ourselves: We create narratives in our minds about how the conversation will go, how the other person will react, and how we'll handle it. These stories are often catastrophic and unhelpful, fueled by our Inner Critic and Saboteurs. Click here to watch an awesome video on this topic.
Competence Creates Confidence: A 5-Step Process for Success
The good news is that difficult conversations don't have to be a source of anxiety. With the right skills and a bit of practice, you can navigate these situations effectively, strengthen relationships, and build a healthier team culture.
Here's a 5-step process to guide you:
1. Prepare: Laying the Groundwork for a Productive Conversation
Preparation is key. Don't just dive in. Take the time to plan and get clear on what you want to achieve.
Identify the problem: Clearly define the issue and its impact. Write it down if that helps you.
Choose the right setting: Select a location that promotes open communication and puts both you and the other person at ease.
Consider the timing: Determine the best time for the conversation. Would it be better before, during, or after a shift? Or perhaps on an off-shift day?
Define your goal: Have a clear objective for the conversation. What outcome do you desire? What do you want to see happen as a result? This will help you stay focused, especially if the conversation becomes emotional.
2. Practice: Rehearsing for a Positive Outcome
Consider practicing the conversation beforehand.
Role-play with a colleague: Practice with a trusted colleague and ask for their feedback. This can significantly boost your confidence.
Leverage AI for practice: Use artificial intelligence tools to practice. Pi.ai/talk has a "Practice a Big Conversation" prompt that is incredibly helpful.
3. Engage: Conducting the Conversation with Skill and Empathy
How you start and conduct the conversation sets the tone for success.
State the problem clearly: Focus on the behavior, not the person. Make it clear that it's the behavior that's the issue, not their character. This promotes a willingness to change.
Use "I" statements: Express your perspective using "I" statements to avoid blame and defensiveness. For example, "I've noticed that reports have been submitted late lately, and I'm concerned about the impact on our response times."
Acknowledge your responsibility: Even if it's just acknowledging that you've been avoiding the conversation, taking ownership can help to create a more balanced and open dialogue.
Actively listen: Encourage open dialogue and give the other person ample opportunity to share their perspective and feelings. Listen carefully and empathetically, without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Validate their perspective and feelings without arguing. You can acknowledge their perspective by saying, “I can appreciate your perspective.” This doesn’t mean you agree with them.
Seek common ground: Collaborate on solutions. Reiterate your desired outcome for the conversation and invite their input on how to achieve it. For example, "It sounds like we both want to ensure timely and accurate reporting. What steps can we take to achieve that goal?"
4. Follow Up: Ensuring Resolution and Continued Progress
The conversation doesn't end when you walk out of the room. Follow-up is essential to ensure the issue is resolved and to reinforce your commitment to addressing it.
Document agreements: Shortly after the conversation, send an email summarizing the desired outcome and any agreed-upon action steps.
Check in regularly: Schedule regular check-ins with the person to discuss progress and offer support. For example, "Let's touch base in two weeks to discuss the progress we've made."
Acknowledge progress: When you see improvement, provide specific praise and appreciation. Remember, what gets praised gets repeated.
5. Reflect: Learning and Growing from the Experience
After each difficult conversation, take time to reflect on the experience.
Practice self-reflection: Identify areas where you excelled and areas where you can improve.
Seek feedback: Ask the other person for feedback on how you handled the conversation. For example, "How do you think our conversation went? Is there anything I could have done differently?"
Putting It All Together: A Scenario to Consider
Let’s consider a scenario:
You're the Fire Chief, and you've noticed a concerning trend with Firefighter Miller. Once a reliable and proactive member of the team, Miller has been showing up late for shifts, missing critical equipment checks, and seems disengaged during training exercises. This is starting to affect team morale and efficiency.
Using the 5-step process, how would you approach this situation?
Prepare: You would identify the specific instances of tardiness and missed checks, choose a private location for the conversation, consider the timing (perhaps after a shift, but not immediately after a negative incident), and define your goal: to understand the reasons for Miller's performance decline and collaboratively develop a plan to address it.
Practice: You might role-play the conversation with an Assistant Chief or use an AI tool to rehearse different approaches and anticipate potential responses.
Engage: In the conversation, you would start by stating your observations using "I" statements ("I've noticed a change in your punctuality and attention to equipment checks..."). You would actively listen to Miller's explanation, acknowledge any personal challenges they might be facing, and work together to create a plan for improvement.
Follow Up: You would document the agreed-upon action steps, schedule regular check-ins with Miller to monitor progress, and provide ongoing support and encouragement.
Reflect: After the conversation and over the following weeks, you would reflect on how you handled the situation, what you learned, and how you can improve your approach to future difficult conversations.
You Can Do This: From Avoiding to Excelling at Crucial Conversations
Chiefs and Assistant Chiefs, difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership. But they don't have to be a source of stress and anxiety. By focusing on building your competence, you *can* develop the confidence to navigate these conversations effectively.
Remember:
Competence creates confidence. The more you practice and apply these skills, the more comfortable and effective you'll become.
Preparation is paramount. Take the time to plan, practice, and define your goals.
Communication is key. Focus on behavior, use "I" statements, listen actively, and collaborate on solutions.
Follow-up and reflection are crucial. Ensure accountability, provide support, and continuously learn and improve.
Don't let fear or a lack of training hold you back from being the effective leader you're capable of being.
Ready to Level Up Your Leadership Skills?
If you're committed to growing your leadership skills and mastering the art of navigating difficult conversations, I can help. Contact me today (jeff@mariancoaching.com) to learn more about my coaching services and how I can support you in becoming a more confident, competent, and effective leader.
